‘It’s going to cost you your marriage’: Missouri woman calls the Ramsey Show asking how to help her husband who’s been unemployed for 13 years — and they delivered some hard truths

Long-term unemployment

As of October 2024, 1.6 million Americans could be categorized as “long-term unemployed” or unemployed for more than 27 weeks, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS).

However, after 13 years of not working, Delony believes Susan’s husband’s issue runs much deeper.

“This has nothing to do with the mechanics of finding a job — he doesn’t want to work,” he told Susan bluntly. “Behavior is a language — and what has he been telling you?”

He added, “His behavior for a decade is, ‘I know that you’re scared, and I know you’re exhausted, you’re freaked out about bills, you go do something about it. I’m not going to.’”

Delony said that there are ways to earn a steady income, even if it’s outside of a person’s field of study, suggesting a grocery store as a viable option.

“When you’re broke and you can’t find work in your field, you take [any] job,” Ramsey added. “There’s no excuses or reasons for 13 years…”

Indeed, 10.5% of men (6.8 million) between the ages of 25 and 54 were neither working nor actively looking for employment, as of August 2024, according to the BLS.

This lack of workforce participation by men in their prime working years will likely have a wide-ranging impact not just on their families, but also the economy.

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Unequal contributions can ruin a relationship

Disproportionate contributions can put any marriage or partnership at risk. As of 2022, 16% of heterosexual marriages had wives who were either the primary or sole breadwinner, according to the latest data from the Pew Research Center. This number has tripled in the last 50 years.

Researchers at University of Wisconsin-Madison and the University of Pennsylvania found that women-breadwinner marriages were 4% more likely to end in divorce than men-breadwinner marriages.

Susan admitted to Ramsey that she had already consulted a divorce lawyer, but was reluctant to proceed further because she was informed that she would likely owe her husband alimony.

Ramsey and Delony advised her to share this situation with her husband to see if it will light a fire under him and inspire him to take concrete steps toward finding employment and ultimately rescue the marriage.

Nearly 675,000 Americans get divorced every year. But “gray divorce,” which refers to divorce among the 50-plus demographic, has doubled since 1990, according to a study from the Journals of Gerontology.

As Susan mentioned, she’d likely owe alimony to her husband if they parted ways. According to the “gray divorce” study, women experienced a 45% decline in their standard of living while men’s dropped by 21%. Both experienced roughly a 50% drop in wealth — making divorce a not-so-easy decision for Susan to make.