The problem with financial infidelity
Keeping financial secrets from a romantic partner may be more common than you'd think. The National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE) found that, among U.S. adults who have combined finances in a relationship, 43% have deceived their partner financially in one way or another.
Specifically, 39% have hidden a purchase or bank account, while 19% have hidden cash from their partner.
The problem, though, is that financial infidelity has the potential to ruin an otherwise solid relationship. In fact, the NEFE found that 85% of those who committed financial infidelity had their relationships significantly impacted.
For 42%, that deception led to an argument. For 32%, it resulted in less trust. And for 16%, it ultimately set the stage for divorce.
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Read MoreIt’s a matter of your intentions
If you've hidden a large sum of money from your partner, your best bet is to come clean. But their reaction — and any subsequent consequences — may boil down to what your intentions were in the first place.
The NEFE reported that, among those guilty of financial infidelity, 38% felt that some aspects of their finances should remain private — while 34% said they took the actions they did because they knew their partner would disapprove of their financial choice.
However, you may have had the best of intentions in keeping your investment portfolio a secret.
If both you and your partner have been on the same page about wanting to buy a house, and you saved that money independently to spare your partner the stress of having to work overtime or give up other things to accumulate it, then they may be thrilled to learn that you’ve socked that money away for both of you to use jointly.
On the other hand, if you hid that money from your partner because you were afraid they’d otherwise waste it, that’s a different story. In that case, your partner may not take kindly to the news.
But that also invites a different discussion — whether you’re truly on the same page financially.
If you and your partner can’t agree on financial priorities and goals, then buying a home together — or even being together — may not be feasible. And if you have financial differences, it’s best to work those out (either alone or with counseling) before committing to a large joint purchase together — or a marriage, if that’s where you think you’re headed.
It’s one thing to surprise a partner with a nice gift or a trip you’ve saved up for on the sly. It’s another thing to surprise them with an $80,000 downpayment on a home.
Even if they’re happy about the end result, you may, as a general policy, want to avoid hiding large sums of money from them in the future, even if your intentions were coming from a place of generosity.
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