Ashley’s disproportionate financial responsibility
Sethi said the couple’s problems stem from the fact that they can’t get on the same page about the family’s finances.
Ashley is the breadwinner, earning $95,000 in annual gross income, and is primarily responsible for managing the household budget. Brandon earns $65,000 and admits that he only brings up the subject of money when he wants to buy something.
“Ashley wants to pay off debt faster, and you want to live life — is that the bottom line?” Sethi asked Brandon, to which he agreed. “Guys, that's not a functioning financial partnership.”
Women were the primary breadwinners in 16% of marriages across the U.S., according to a 2023 report by the Pew Research Center. Meanwhile, 49% of women said they would consider themselves the Chief Financial Officer of the household, and 51% said they were more financially savvy than their spouses, according to the 2023 Women Money Power study from Allianz Life Insurance Company of North America.
Couples who struggle to share financial responsibility risk stretching the family’s budget in different directions. Brandon’s reckless spending and lack of financial engagement have left the couple with too many leisure vehicles: a truck, a snowmobile, a motocross bike, a boat and a four-wheeler.
“Is this a joke?” Sethi said, in disbelief.
Brandon’s desire for automobiles isn’t rare. Auto loans have become a larger share of non-housing debt across the country in recent years. As of the second quarter of 2024, auto loans were worth $1.63 trillion — more than aggregate student loan debt which sits at $1.58 trillion, according to the Federal Reserve.
For Ashley and Brandon, their growing pile of auto loans and credit card debt is holding them back from a major life decision: having a baby.
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Read MoreSurrogacy costs
Some of the couple’s debt is related to an attempted surrogacy that failed.
“The money was gone and there was no baby,” Ashley said. “So we're paying that loan and we have no baby.”
Despite their disappointment, she added they are willing to try again. She estimates the process could cost somewhere between $20,000 to $40,000.
That’s on the low end of expected costs. Stephanie Levich, founder and president of Family Match Consulting, tells Today that the average cost of surrogacy can be between $125,000 and $175,000.
To put themselves in a better financial position, Sethi asked Ashley and Brandon if they wanted to make “no changes, small changes or really big changes.”
Big changes
Sethi recommended couples therapy to help them get on the same page about their family’s finances. Nearly half of all couples surveyed by Empower in 2023 said they do not discuss money matters with their spouse. Better communication would lead to better outcomes, according to Sethi. Debt counseling would also help in this instance.
The first step is to get rid of the recreational vehicles and lower their monthly payments to leave room in the budget for tackling debt. Then use budgeting techniques like the envelope method to keep spending in check. Or, you can download a budgeting app with spending alerts.
Meanwhile, Ashley said she believes Brandon needs to take more responsibility and adopt an active role in the couple’s finances.
“I don't want you to rely on me to make all the money,” she told him. “I don't expect you to ever earn a certain amount, but I don't want you to go into any job situation thinking like, ‘Oh, Ashley will just pick up the slack, it's fine because Ashley makes enough money; I'll just take a cut because Ashley makes enough’. I want you to have that ambition of like, ‘I want to do this for my family.’”
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